Posted May 25, 2020 by lynlynsays Covid Chronicles

Lyn’s Thoughts: “Stop and stare. I think I’m moving but I go nowhere.” – #9

I could have lived two different lives this weekend depending on my choice.

I didn’t think my Memorial Day Weekend would have ended up with me sitting in front of my computer most of the time: grading papers, watching anime and Asian dramas, blogging, and listening to music. It sounds like a typical day to me but instead, I am forced to confine in my house due to this pandemic.

However, I think the Lyns in alternate universes are having a much more fun time rather than me. The first Lyn would be attending her graduation for graduate school. It was supposed to be this weekend and I’m sure the Lyn of that world is celebrating every day with her friends and family. She would most likely go to her favorite dessert place, U:Dessert Story. This Lyn would also be a bit more relax and hopeful about the future and the job market. She would have also started slowly packing up the things she doesn’t need any more from her old apartment.

The other Lyn is currently at Fanime having the time of her life. She probably is spending most of her time in the game room playing board games, particularly Arkham Horror, with random strangers. She would also be shopping until she dropped by buying all the various cute sweaters she wanted from Omocat and Lokisa. She may have even bought some of the light novels that are currently in her cart on Amazon. I think she would have also enjoyed singing and rapping in the karaoke room, playing songs by Kim Petras and Jay Park. (I wouldn’t do Nujabes because I don’t listen to him a lot.) She would have gotten the hot dog wrapped in bacon from the stands right out front of the convention center. She would have watched all the late-night panels and laughed at all the inappropriate jokes. She probably would have explored San Jose Downtown and see how much it changed: which restaurants are still there, which have closed, and what new restaurants opened. She would have also met her blogging friends for their yearly reunion. She probably would have stayed up every night until like 3 am because she was having too much fun. What a lucky, Lyn.

Sadly, I didn’t get to live those universes.

My friend said to me, “The universe made the decision for you.” There are moments where I don’t mind the universe making a decision for me, but this isn’t one of them. I am also reminded of how powerful and great it is to be able to make your own choices. We sometimes take advantage of this power of choice and complain about being indecisive or being regretful about the consequences that come with the choices we make. We should be happy that we even have the power to make decisions because some people aren’t able to have this freedom.

Yet a positive outlook of this is that even though I can’t do something I wanted now, the future will hold something better. Which in that case, I should see the good in this situation.

Stop and stare
I think I’m moving but I go nowhere
Yeah, I know that everyone gets scared
But I’ve become what I can’t be, oh

Stop and stare
You start to wonder why you’re here not there
And you’d give anything to get what’s fair
But fair ain’t what you really need
Oh, can you see what I see

-OneRepublic