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2018 – What happened to me?

2018 was actually a good year for me. In 2017, I was left with disappointment, stress, and lethargicness and so I hoped that 2018 would be better than the last. And it was.

In 2017, I was left with a broken heart and uncertainty about my future. I was left feeling scared about whether or not the chosen career path I was undertaking was the right path for me. So my headspace and heart weren’t actually all that bright at the beginning of the year. However, in 2018, I decided to lay low and just focused on myself and it paid off because I felt more relaxed, chill, and content.

In 2018, I met some new people and did a lot of cool things I didn’t think I ever do. I planned a last minute trip to Fanime, tried climbing, taught a college course, and went to a baseball game. I became more willing to try new things rather than being reluctant and scared.

I also discovered some things about myself that I need to work on. My fears of getting close to people have been exposed and I realized that I should express myself more to others because it saves me time and energy from overthinking (which is a horrible habit I have). If someone doesn’t like you, you shouldn’t waste your time and effort in trying to convince them to stay. For me, I already know that I deserve to be valued, treasured, and loved, so I surround myself with people that see my worth and vice versa.  In 2019, I am just going to keep being my genuine self because, in 2018, I realize that’s the only thing I need in life at the moment.

In 2018, I figured out what I want to do with my life, career-wise. I originally went to graduate school because I was interested in teaching at the university level. My career prospects kind of drifted when I became interested in Ph.D. programs. In fact, I was considering getting a Ph.D. in Comparative Literature. However, the more I thought about it, the more hesitant I was. Yes, I want to do a Ph.D. program, but I felt that Comparative Literature wasn’t the right program for me. So rather than forcing it, I decided to put that dream on the backburner and focus on teaching.

I was blessed this fall semester to be able to teach a lower-division undergraduate course in the comparative literature department. In the beginning, I was really nervous because it was the first time I ever stood in front of a class to teach, but with each passing day, I became more comfortable and I eventually fell in love with teaching. I don’t know if it’s the classroom culture, the students, or the material we were studying, but I just enjoyed it. It was a lot of work lesson planning, but I never once thought that I didn’t want to do it.

In the end, though, I didn’t realize how much of an impact I made on my students. They honestly told me how grateful they were to have had me as their professor and that I have inspired them to be the best versions of themselves. Personally, I didn’t think I was capable of being a role model and mentor to people, but when I was teaching, I felt like this was my calling. Everything came naturally and every day I was happy.

However, due to my teaching endeavors, I kind of left my blog on the backburner which I know I shouldn’t have since blogging is one of my passions. Yet, life responsibilities happened and to be honest, I don’t regret taking a long break from it. I actually had a life in 2018 that wasn’t just behind a computer screen.

So what does 2019 bring me? Well, I am going to try to be more active on here because I think I have a little bit more time on my hands. I should try to reclaim my crown.

My song at the moment: Celine Dion’s “A New Day Has Come.”

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