2 Truths and A Lie: Thoughts on Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date

Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date (2014)

By Katie Heaney

My first impression of Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date is that Katie Heaney ripped the pages of every girl’s diary and blasted their inner thoughts and feelings into a memoir. In her debut book, Heaney talks about the anxieties that comes from having crushes, dating, and making friends.

First of all, I enjoyed reading Heaney’s metaphor on “lighthouses,” which she describes as adventurous, extroverted women capable of attracting men. A girl who is a “lighthouse” always have men waiting in line for them even if she is already in a relationship. Yet once the girl is single again, men would frolic towards her, hoping to be the next guy. 

Lighthouse people are beacons that call all the sailors in ships back to land, beckoning them in towards the light. Lighthouse people are magnetic and luminescent, so much so that even when one sailor manages to row all the way to land and climbs up into the lighthouse, the rest of the sailors will stay out there on the water, waiting for their chance to come to shore.

Katie Heaney, Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date

Now if there are girls who are “lighthouses,” what do you call girls who aren’t “lighthouses?” Those girls, which includes Katie Heaney, are “The Bermuda Triangle.”

The Bermuda Triangle is so far from sailors’ minds that it isn’t even really on the map. They’d rather not even think about it. Even if a few of them knew, theoretically, that the Bermuda Triangle was out there, they wouldn’t be able to find it if they wanted to. They would become lost, possibly forever. For the most part, though, they don’t want to try. The Bermuda Triangle is scary and confusing. Sailors hear bad things about it. They’d rather just go around it, staying as far away as humanly possible.

Katie Heaney, Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date

A “Bermuda Triangle” seems somewhat of an introverted individual. Like Katie Heaney, I consider myself a “Bermuda Triangle” too.  I can relate to Heaney’s feelings and experiences when it comes to crushing on boys and being too shy to do anything about it.

Heaney’s writing style is humorous and entertaining. For instance, she provides readers with a list of  men and women you may encounter on an online dating site such as OkCupid. Her list includes sociopathic people, stalkers, and narcissistic jerks. Also within the chapter, Heaney describes her blind date experience with a guy she met online. She gives readers some good insight on whether or not online dating is right for you.

Like I said before, Heaney’s stories are relatable such as the roller skating incident during her childhood. In this story, Katie wanted to roller skate with a boy she liked for the boy-girl couple skate. So she requested her friend to ask the boy for her. However, the boy subtly rejected her, and she ended up crying in the girls’ bathroom. When reading about this experience, I recall my own embarrassing crush stories, which now, I laugh at myself for being too naive and silly back then.

Throughout the memoir, Heaney makes statements about guys that I kind of agree on. One of my favorite chapters is where Heaney comments on how guys that work at coffee shops are attractive. I definitely agree with Heaney’s claim about male coffee shop employees. In general, if you work at a coffee shop, you are awesome!

Katie Heaney’s memoir makes being single, fun and exciting. I praise Katie Heaney because she is very open-mined in regards to sharing her private, intimate experiences on love with readers. Many individuals are self-conscious about revealing their virginity status or being single. However, Heaney is proud of who she is; thus her self-confidence could be seen as a way to make readers feel comfortable about themselves too.

4/5